Dating for Goths: Can it work out with a non-Goth partner?

Any relationship pairing and how well it works out between the two of you depends on a whole range of factors, and how well your naughty bits fit together is just one of them. If you met your partner on the Goth scene and happen to share a lot of the same interests, this can make things somewhat easier, although it by no means guarantees your “happily ever after.”


However, if your pet boy or girl isn’t into Goth at all, things can quickly become a whole lot more complicated. This does not mean by any stretch of the imagination that things simply won’t work out for you, but rather that both of you will likely have to work a little bit harder to meet each other halfway, particularly during the early stages of your relationship.

In many ways, dating someone from a different walk of life or with vastly different interests has a lot to recommend it, being as opposites attract and all that. Still, it is important to find some middle ground between you, and work out how best to tackle the differences in viewpoint or opinion that may come up along the way. Rebels Market covers a variety of ways to deal with this in her advice piece from September on the potential of dating a non-Goth. If you think this is sound advice, you can also “like” Rebels Market on Facebook and chat directly here.

So, in this blog post I’m going to look at three of the most common issues that seem to arise when dating a non-Goth, for your assistance or entertainment, whichever you prefer.

Issue number one: Different friend groups

There’s a lot to be said for having your own circle of friends, and a group of people that you can happily talk to about your significant other without having to worry that they’re going to end up stuck in the middle. But if your two respective groups of friends look like some kind of weird standoff between the cast of the Rocky Horror Show and the Littlewoods catalogue, you might find that you and your other half are going to have to work hard to address your friends’ preconceptions, on both sides of the fence.

We can fix him…

You’d likely be offended or roll your eyes to learn that your partner’s vanilla mates assume that you sleep in a coffin, eat babies and slit your wrists every night, but play fair, we all judge people at first glance, rightly or wrongly, and you’re probably doing the same to your partner’s mates too.

This is something that you will both have to work at, and spending time with each other’s respective friend groups is the best way to go about this.

Issue number two: Different interests

People bond over a lot of different things; styles, music, and generally, common and shared interests. However, if your partner or potential partner doesn’t get your taste in music, is fond of beige and could think of no worse way to spend a day out than drinking cider in a cemetery, you’re going to have to work harder!

Graveyard Goth

Issue number three: Retaining your own identity

Being part of a couple is a fluid thing, and naturally as things progress, both your relationship with your partner and the other aspects of your life will evolve with it. Stripy Tights and Dark Delights talks about the evolution of her relationship with her non-Goth childhood sweetheart here.


But it is also a good idea for both of you to make sure that you retain your own identity within your relationship too, and don’t find yourself gradually losing touch with your respective mates and dropping your own interests.

Really the best advice that any Goth dating a non-Goth can take away from all of this, is be aware of the potential issues that may come up along the way, but don’t let them be deal breakers. Be open-minded, communicate with your partner, and work things out in the way that suits you both; whatever that happens to be.

Finally, for your bewildered would-be mate, point them towards The Everyday Goth’s blog, for advice on how to approach things from the non-Goth camp.

Is your partner not into Goth, or have you got experience of dating a non-Goth partner? Tell us all about it!

Lady Gothique
The gal who runs

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