My mum has apparently sent me a 15kg parcel containing a range of goodies including raspberry vodka, and it’s all just waiting for me to collect from the local store that gets my post; but the problem is, I can’t go out and get it, because it’s pure tipping with rain and my hair dye will run.
This is just one of the many problems that can plague the Goth girl in shitty weather, and as the season of shitty weather is now upon us and also because I don’t half love to wallow in my own misery, I thought I’d count up a few more. Find more Goth problems here on Twitter!
You can’t go out in the rain
…If you have a hair colour that will run all over your face, or cyberdreds or any one of various other Goth styles that has a similar relationship with water to Gremlins. Unless, of course, you want the colour to run all over your face, into your eyes, and onto your clothes. Though if your dye is red, the whole murder victim look has its Goth uses.
Your shoes will get fucked up
If, like me, you buy sacrificial shoes such as el cheapo velvet Mary Janes for your daily dossing around, you will know that these are Totally Not Suitable for wet weather. The velvet will shrink in the wet and start trying to eat your feet, the colour will come off them and dye your feet, and the soles of these things can and WILL take you down on anything approaching a smooth surface.
If you invest in velvet boots or other more expensive offerings, you may be safe from the slip and slide, but the puddles will still bork your footwear. Stay inside, it’s safer in here.
Your cat will do your head in
One of my cats loves the rain, because she is a freak; but also because she seems to do her best hunting when it’s torrential, and rarely fails to come back in drenched but victorious with her kill.
However, she will then plonk her muddy, saturated self on my lap or worse, in my bed under the duvet to dry off.
Other cat flat won’t go out in the rain, which comes with its own set of issues: If I don’t provide and manage a litter tray, he can, and will, piss in my shower tray with absolutely no compunction.
The bottom of your skirts get wet, heavy and uncomfortable
Last time I tried to go out for the night when it was hacking down, in the ten foot run between indoors and taxi, the bottom foot or so of my skirt seemed to wick all of the available moisture from ground and air alike, and suck it up like a desert camel.
I consequently spent the whole night with the bottom half of my skirts wet and uncomfortable, but worse, the added weight caused the whole thing to drop and keep threatening to enter me in the pants off dance off against my will.
Well she brought that on herself really, didn’t she.
I am sure there are many other reasons for why Gothing in the rain sucks that I have yet to think of-let me know in the comments. Meanwhile, if you have a real Goth problem, check this out!