The Gothest jobs ever

While spending a summer evening bitching about life in general and Goth life in particular, my crew and I also had a conversation about the Gothest jobs ever, largely as a result of watching too many episodes of shows like Ice Road Truckers and Bones.

Much like any normal conversation in the civilised world, we disagreed upon more stuff than we agreed upon but ultimately reached a consensus (most unscientifically, I might add), about what the Gothest jobs are, and why-with stereotyping being a large part of the game (for instance, we know a real hardcore Goth who has his teeth filed into fangs and everything-but he is a playschool teacher).

Note that our conclusions were based on absolutely zero real-world knowledge or meaningful research into said careers, but still, we came up with our own little list of what we agreed were the Gothest jobs ever. Point and laugh at your leisure.

Stage technician


Being a member of stage crew is something that I did back when I was 19-20 or so, and it was one of the best times of my life. I burnt out after a while due to too many late nights fuelled by dodgy booze and weed, but look at the facts-you get to wear black all day, usually work at night, are surrounded by music, and generally work and party hard, then sleep all day.



Yes, librarian-I seem to have known a lot of librarians in my life, and none of them were the dull, dishwater women who are so often portrayed in the role on TV. All of the librarians I have known have been fun, funky, well-educated and of course, well read, with vivid imaginations.

Homicide detective


Homicide detective, obvs-although only theoretically. In real life, having someone who looks like The Crow in a suit show up at the scene of a death would probably get short shrift.

Mortuary beautician


Mortician beautician-it’s probably not actually called that, but what I mean is the person who puts makeup on corpses. If there is anything Gother than that, frankly I dunno what it is.


Tattooists are often fairly Goth, metal or slightly edgy, and they get to use their skills and imaginations to create living art on people’s bodies that remains there for life. Awesome.




Tattooing is of course a form of art, but several other more mainstream creative careers also tend to gel well with a Goth lifestyle, such as sculpture, painting and making cool stuff that people want to see or buy.

What do you think is the Gothest career ever? Tell me in the comments.

Lady Gothique
The gal who runs

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