Donning my Kevlar vest for this somewhat, I had a long conversation with some of my real-life Goth mates this week about shit that annoys all of us, and it became very clear very quickly that we could not reach a general consensus on very much at all.
One man’s bullshit was another man’s secret hobby and so on, but we did reach an uneasy consensus some hours (and beers) later about things that are universally loathed by the Goth collective. I understand that this is likely to cause some arguments much as it did in real life too, but I’m sticking my head over the parapet to share the results of our discussion.
Is there anyone out there who likes hipster? Aside from other hipsters, obviously. As epitomised by the Cereal Killer Café brothers who have, to be fair, probably come in for more hate than they deserve due to their business model but are still like the older, more grown up version of Jedward.
Hipsters are doubly annoying (in my opinion) when they refer to themselves as hippies. Being a hippy is not the same thing! If you own a brand new, state of the art camper van in black and chrome, do not refer to this as your “bus.” You’re not a hippy.
Sticking “edgy” stickers to it does not make it cooler either. And boy, if I catch you carefully “distressing” the edges of said stickers to make the whole look “more authentic,” then I will judge you even harder. Yes, this person is real, I know him.
People who think black clothes makes them Goth
Google terms like “Goth styling” and you will turn up a plethora of peppy, cutesy fluffy girls putting on a black skirt and some eyeliner and calling it their Goth look.
GTFO. Go home. You’re an idiot.
Goths who think other Goths aren’t real Goths
Possibly slightly contradicting my above entry, but there is nothing more irritating than a Goth that thinks that their way of Gothing is the only way-those who look down on Goths who were not Gothing in the 80’s, do not have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Goth history and music, or so-called “baby bats,” those new to the scene.
Calling out another Goth for not being “Goth enough” or doing it wrong makes you an asshole. And possibly, a hipster.
People who thing Goths are all miserable
Being a Goth means (to me) being able to appreciate the beauty, irony and twisty deliciousness of the dark side of life, which in some cases, does indeed mean getting down and dirty with these elements of your own personality and views on life.
It does not, however, mean being permanently depressed by default (obviously some people are, but that’s their business) but assuming that Goth means-well-emo, is WRONG. Innit.